


Sick and full of pride

by maniasquared



Series: Stucky One-Shots and Drabbles [21]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Porn, Begging, Blow Jobs, Blow Jobs in a Car, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Car Sex, Choking, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Doggy Style, Ex Sex, Exhibitionism, Friends With Benefits, Hair-pulling, Humiliation, Loud Sex, Love, Lube, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Public Blow Jobs, Public Nudity, Public Sex, Riding, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Sex in a Car, Sex on a Car, Unrequited Love, Verbal Humiliation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-03-17 08:57:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18962029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maniasquared/pseuds/maniasquared
Summary: "Bucky yanked at the blond hair, smashing their mouths together sloppily. He roamed south, grabbing two handfuls of ass and grunting when the friction increased. Steve whimpered, balling his fists on Bucky’s chest. He was on fire, burning with arousal. His member grew in his pants uncomfortably. He thrust his hips down, relishing in the sounds that fell from Bucky's lips.He appreciated the way Bucky indulged him. He pleasured Steve like no one had ever before, knowing exactly what to do to get him writhing and screaming. When they fucked, he turned into a totally different person, all hard dominance and borderline animalistic. Steve was so glad they shared kinks; ever since his sexual awakening, he didn’t think he would ever be able to go back to the vanilla shit."Or: Steve and Bucky have car sex and discover a new kink of Steve's.





	1. Think about the feelings that we hide

**Author's Note:**

> "All we do is think about the feelings that we hide, all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign, sick and full of pride, all we do is drive"
> 
> Work and chapter titles from "Drive" by Halsey.
> 
> Despite Bucky being in high-school, he is of age (that's why I didn't mark any archive warnings).
> 
> This is un-beta'd.

Late-June weather wasn’t exactly pleasant when the air conditioning was broken in Steve’s car, though it wasn’t insufferable at night. He had the windows down and the air wasn’t thick and humid like earlier that day. He sang along to his favorite playlist while he was on the way to pick up his friend, Bucky.

‘Friend’ wasn’t quite the right term. More like  ‘friend with benefits’ or ‘fuck buddy.’ More like ‘ex-boyfriend who he got to sleep with on occasion.’ All descriptions were accurate.

Whenever they hung out, they ended up fucking. Steve didn’t expect anything different to happen this time around. The issue at hand was that since it was late—not that late, only about 8:30 pm—Bucky’s mom and sister were home, so his place was out of the question. Steve’s parents were home as well, so that didn’t work. They didn’t have anywhere to go. At least not if they wanted to have sex. That never stopped them before, though.

He saw Bucky standing on the corner as he tried to figure out what their plans were for the evening. Steve picked him up on that corner as always (Bucky’s mom didn’t know they were still spending time together and he appeared to be perfectly fine with her being completely oblivious). They could act like normal friends for once and just get some food. That seemed highly unlikely. He smiled warmly when Bucky hopped in. “Hey, Buck.”

Bucky grinned at him. “Hey, pipsqueak.”

“Fuck off!” Steve scoffed. “Where do you want to go? We could grab a bite to eat in the Valley?” He took his foot off the brake and began aimlessly driving. “I’d say we can just go to Ford Park and talk, but it’s closed because of flooding.”

“Yeah,” Bucky hummed. He chewed on his bottom lip. “I don’t know. I was thinkin’ our high school parking lot would be a good alternative to Ford.”

Steve contemplated it. Technically they were allowed to be on the property, however, when he passed by on his way to get Bucky, the lot was filled with what looked to be at least a dozen semi-truck beds. He didn’t know why they were there, storage over the summer? He shrugged, “Sure, why not.”

Bucky nodded, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Steve pulled a u-turn and added a second thought, “By the way, now that I don’t attend there anymore, it’s just  _ your _ high school.”

“Bullshit! Just ‘cause you graduated, what, a month ago, doesn’t mean it’s not your school. Don’t try that shit, Rogers.”

Steve laughed and rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, man.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes until the school came into their line of sight. Steve asked, partly out of curiosity and partly to annoy his companion, “Are you ready for your senior year?”

Bucky groaned in response. He shook his head and didn’t say anything more than that. Steve wasn’t sure if the head shake was a real answer or a mildly frustrated reaction to his question. He kept his mouth shut, rolling up the front windows most of the way and opening the back ones before turning off the car. He had parked as far away as he possibly could from the school, where he knew there would be cameras. One of the big storage box things blocked the vehicle from the school’s view.  _ An added bonus _ , Steve thought.

It was oddly quiet without the music playing.

Bucky spoke first, “Wanna get in the back?” Steve nodded. The great thing about driving a minivan: the back seats are roomy. They settled next to each other, shoulders and knees brushing. Apparently, Bucky wasn’t a fan of that. He commanded, “C’mere….”

Steve let himself be dragged into his friend’s lap, draping his arms around Bucky’s neck as if they belonged there. A shiver ran down his spine when Bucky passed his fingers up and down his sides with one hand while the other pushed Steve’s hair back out of his face. He blushed at the lust-blown eyes Bucky gave him and he could feel his dick hardening against his ass. His bottom lip found its way in between his teeth and his friend lost all composure.

Bucky yanked at the blond hair, smashing their mouths together sloppily. He roamed south, grabbing two handfuls of ass and grunting when the friction increased. Steve whimpered, balling his fists on Bucky’s chest. He was on fire, burning with arousal. His member grew in his pants uncomfortably. He thrust his hips down, relishing in the sounds that fell from Bucky's lips.

He appreciated the way Bucky indulged him. He pleasured Steve like no one had ever before, knowing exactly what to do to get him writhing and screaming. When they fucked, he turned into a totally different person, all hard dominance and borderline animalistic. Steve was so glad they shared kinks; ever since his sexual awakening, he didn’t think he would ever be able to go back to the vanilla shit.

“You wanna suck my cock, kitten?” growled Bucky, gripping roughly at Steve’s jaw, who immediately nodded and choked out a ‘fuck... yes.’ He raised an eyebrow with a wicked smirk and taunted, “ _ Yes _ …?”

It seemed like Bucky planned on using every single one of their shared kinks.

“Daddy—yes, Daddy.”

“Good boy,” he extolled, watching Steve glow under the praise. He waited for Steve to climb out of his lap, but he continued grinding down. Losing patience, he lifted Steve off of him and onto the seat and shifted so his legs were spread wide. He popped the button on his jeans. An invitation. He loved the way Steve couldn’t take his eyes off of the straining length and licking his lip like he’s about to get the best treat, but he needed relief.  “Well get on with it. I’m not gonna do all the work.”

Steve did as he was told, pulling out the impressive cock that made his mouth water. He sat back, adjusting to sit on his knees. Leaning in, he flicked his tongue over the head as he held the base. He repeated this until Bucky smacked his ass as a warning. He took the tip in and suckled lightly, knowing damn well how much of a tease he was being. Before he could be spanked again, he inched his way down, down, down.

He felt Bucky tangle his fingers in his hair. “C’mon, baby, I know you can take more than that. You hungry for my cock?”

Steve looked up with his mouth full and nodded, sliding his hand up and down what he couldn’t reach.  _ God, yes. _

“That’s a good kitten,” Bucky hummed, pushing Steve’s head further. He took it like a champ, however, he still couldn’t fit all of it. He gagged a little and breathed through his nose heavily to regain some stability. His friend noticed and grinned. “You love choking on my dick, don’t you? Just love having your mouth full like the whore you are.”

Steve moaned, sending vibrations through Bucky’s entire body. His eyes rolled and he threw himself against the headrest, holding Steve’s hair tighter. He bobbed his head at a rapid pace, desperate to get his partner to make some beautiful noises. When he succeeded, it spurred him on.

Soon enough, Bucky hauled him off with a wet  _ pop _ and earned a whine in response. He silenced it by giving Steve a searing kiss. He tasted himself and it turned him on like crazy.

“Please fuck me,” begged Steve when they broke apart. “Please, Daddy. I need your cock. I need you to fill me up. Fuck me, please.”

It was music to Bucky’s ears, didn’t even need to prompt Steve to beg. Steve fell into his submissive state in a heartbeat like he did every time. Bucky didn’t reply, simply removed his shirt and then followed up with discarding Steve’s. Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved the condom and lube packets, setting them on the seat next to him. He shucked off his jeans and underwear while Steve did the same, kicking off their socks and shoes when they got in the way.  _ Christ, Steve was the prettiest damn thing Bucky’s ever seen _ . He straddled Bucky once again after he felt a tap on his thigh and blushed heavily, ducking his head.

“Hey now, what is it?” Bucky tutted.

He squirmed, then mumbled, “I might have prepped myself and put in a plug before coming to get you.”

Bringing his hand to Steve’s ass in disbelief, he felt the metal handle where Steve’s entrance should’ve been. He chuckled and glanced up with a devilish smile. “You come here lookin’ to be fucked? That desperate for my cock?” He received an almost frantic nod. “You’re a goddamn filthy cockslut, y’know that?”

“Yes, Daddy. Only for you.”

“That’s right, you’re  _ mine _ .”

“ _ Yours _ .” Steve gasped when Bucky toyed with the plug, nails digging into muscular shoulders. Not in the mood to be teased, Steve ripped open the condom wrapper and slid it over Bucky’s member. He poured lube and spread it expertly. He transferred the excess onto his own dick. Eyes hooded, he gave Bucky a pleading stare. “Please.”

He was raised in the air; he felt the toy being removed and it was quickly replaced with Bucky lining up at his hole. When he sank down, the two groaned in unison.

“Oh, fuck,” sighed Bucky. He gripped Steve’s hips hard enough to bruise. “You feel so fucking good, baby.”

Steve whimpered, rocking back and forth as he got used to the stretch. He felt whole with Bucky inside him. They sat there for a while, enjoying the sensation, before Steve began bouncing, slow and shallow. It wasn’t long before he picked up the pace, moans coming out more often than not. Steve keened as Bucky attached his mouth to one nipple and used his fingers on him, switching after a little bit. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement. He froze and stopped Bucky. He watched as a car drove by and his heart thrummed in his chest. It lagged as it passed his van and he wondered what the hell someone was doing driving through a high school parking lot at 9 pm. When it was out of sight, Bucky thrust up into him and he cried out in aroused surprise.

He continued plunging into his lover as the same car drove by again and grinned when he saw Steve’s cock twitch in between their stomachs, spurting out a little pre-cum. He bit the shell of his friend’s ear and whispered, “Does it turn you on that they could’ve seen us? You like the idea of someone watching you get fucked?” Steve made a high pitched, affirmative noise. This was new information; he never mentioned anything about an exhibition kink. Bucky used that to his advantage, nonetheless. “It’s too bad the windows are tinted…. I bet they would have loved to see you sat all pretty on my cock.”

Steve rolled his hips down to meet Bucky’s, starting to incoherently beg. Bucky responded by wrapping his hand around his sub’s neck and earned a mewl. Fingers were in his dark hair, tugging gently. He didn’t put much pressure around Steve’s throat, only enough to remind him who was in control.

“Daddy, please,” Steve fussed. He started grinding down harder, trying to chase his release. Bucky growled, smacking the perky ass, a small threat. Steve whimpered, but he listened. “So good…. Please—”

“Please what, baby?”

Steve didn’t even know what he was begging for and Bucky knew that. There was a point where Steve wouldn’t be able to say anything other than ‘please,’ ‘Daddy,’ and ‘more.’ Bucky had gotten him there so many times that he could pinpoint almost exactly when it happened.

Steve gasped out, “I love it when you fill me up.”

He didn’t answer the question but neither of them cared much. Bucky went back to attacking Steve’s neck and tipped his head back forcefully to get a better angle at the pale skin. After a while, Bucky stopped his actions, just sitting inside Steve, who whined and pathetically tried to move.

“Y’know what I wanna do?” Bucky grinned up at Steve.

“What, Daddy?”

“I wanna bend you over the hood of your car and fuck you senseless,” rumbled Bucky from deep in his chest. Steve breathed out a ‘holy hell,’ eyes clouded. “You want that, kitten? Bend you over where anyone could see you take my cock so good? See you like the little slut you are?”

Steve wanted that more than anything.

The hood of the car was warm but not to the point where it would burn Steve’s chest and stomach. Bucky placed his hands down, spreading his sub’s cheeks so he could watch as he slid in. He grunted when he reached the hilt and ground into Steve’s ass. Dragging his hips back until his tip was the only thing left inside, he slammed forward.

“Daddy,” Steve choked out. He was trying to be quiet.

Bucky didn’t like that one bit. He removed one hand to tangle it in Steve’s hair and yanked it back so his back arched, barely on the side of uncomfortable. Bucky leaned forward, nipping at his earlobe and demanded, “I want you to be loud for me, baby. I want people to know how pretty you sound when I’ve got you like this.”

He accentuated his words with a rough thrust.

Steve voice cracked as he shouted, “Fuck!”

“There you go, kitten.” Bucky started pounding relentlessly and gripped harshly against Steve’s skin, which only turned him on more. He loved being used by Bucky, loved it when he got it raw and hard. He loved that Bucky took on the dominant role with ease. He loved Bucky.

“I’m close—”

“Me too,” Bucky panted. “You’re such a good little cockslut for me, gonna make me come. You gonna come from just my cock?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Steve said although it wasn’t entirely true. Sure, he was going to finish without the help of a hand on his dick, but the friction he got from his stomach and the car was definitely adding to the effect. “Can I? Please let me, Daddy. Can I come?”

As soon as Bucky gave him the okay, Steve was moaning at the top of his lungs with his orgasm. Bucky felt Steve clench around him and that tipped him over the edge. He stilled his hips as he released into the condom.

Steve propped his ass against the hood once Bucky pulled out, beckoning him in for a kiss. Bucky obliged. This was much more gentle, lazy and relaxed. Steve tucked his head under his friend’s chin and wrapped his arms around the lean torso in the process, sighing.

_ I still love you. _

He almost said it. He would have if he didn’t bite his tongue in time. Thankfully, he stopped himself. He knew he was just someone to fuck for Bucky. There weren’t any feelings left for Steve.

It was confirmed when Bucky untangled himself from Steve and grinned, maneuvering toward the car. He said, “Next time I want you to bring your other toys with you.”

Steve blushed and laughed, shaking his head a tiny bit. Standing, he followed Bucky to get dressed with his chest feeling weighted and a lump lodged in his throat.

He’d rather have Bucky like this than not have him at all, even if it did hurt.


	2. To be in love with someone (who could never love you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nothing! I didn’t say anything.”
> 
> Steve’s blood was cold—icy, freezing—he felt as though he was suffocating.
> 
> “You’re a goddamn liar and a bad one too, Steve.”
> 
>  
> 
> Or: Steve says something wildly inappropriate during a hook-up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This unrequited love, to me it's nothing but a one-man cult, and cyanide in my Styrofoam cup, I can never make him love me. It's a bad religion to be in love with someone who could never love you."
> 
> Work title from "Drive" by Halsey, chapter title from "Bad Religion" by Frank Ocean.
> 
> This is un-beta'd. I edit my own work.

Gripping his backpack strap in one hand, Steve knocked on Bucky’s front door. Shuffling came from behind the door before it swung open, revealing Bucky in a well-fitting flannel and ripped skinny jeans. He sported a relaxed, confident smile.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” echoed Steve.

Bucky stepped to the side and held the door open. Steve walked in hesitantly; no matter how many times he’d come over, he would always be a little uncertain of his place at Bucky’s house. They’d spent a lot of time at his house when they dated; Steve used to feel like it was his home too, but not after they broke up.

“Wanna go to my room?” asked Bucky

Oh. They were starting right away. Okay.

“Sure.”

Steve followed his friend up the stairs after removing his shoes. Dropping his backpack on the ground, he didn’t know what to do with himself, so he stood awkwardly. He watched Bucky sit on the edge of his bed, legs spread wide. Tilting his head to the side, Bucky quirked an eyebrow expectantly.

“Well, aren’t you gonna show me what you got?”

He was referring to the sex toys in Steve’s bag. They had talked about Steve bringing them the next time they slept together, and it was a little humiliating for Steve. Sure, he had used them when they had sex over the phone or if they were video chatting, but never in person. He had never shown anyone his toys before (with the exception of his plug), and he had never used them with another person. This was all new for him. It was new for both of them. Uncharted territory, and it could be great or a total disaster.

Blushing, Steve unzipped his backpack. He pulled out two items: a dildo and a bundle of rope. That certainly wasn’t the extent of Steve’s (growing) sex toy collection, but it was what he decided to bring along with him.

“This is embarrassing,” muttered Steve, his stomach churning uncomfortably. He hated the weird formality of the situation, how it was awkward and felt like a presentation. The air was thick with sexual tension.

“Why’s that, baby doll?” Bucky’s face showed a mix of amusement and concern.

“I-I don’t know….”

The smirk on Bucky’s face fell as he asked, “Do you wanna stop?”

“No, of course not—I’m just nervous… that’s all.”

The grin was back as soon as Steve answered the question. He beckoned his friend closer and gestured to his lap, to which Steve happily complied. The toy and rope landed on the bed beside them. Head a little dizzy from the feeling of a hard member pressing against his ass, he mewled when a hand wrapped around his throat, adding to the stimulation.

“Did you do as I asked?” rumbled Bucky, tightening his hold on Steve’s neck briefly before releasing and allowing his partner to speak.

“Yes, Sir.”

“That’s a good boy.”

Steve wiggled, flustered. He ducked his head, playing with the edges of Bucky’s shirt.

Bucky ran his hands up and down Steve’s thighs and hummed; he watched Steve shiver under his touch, making his chest swell with pride.

“Clothes off. Up you get.” As he watched Steve undress, Bucky said, “You’re so obedient for me— _God_ , that’s hot—maybe I’ll give you a reward later.”

Whining a little, Steve looked wide-eyed as he stood and rid himself of the layers he wore. Bucky twirled his finger with a satisfied grin, which only got larger when his eyes landed on the plug in Steve’s ass; he was thrilled by Steve’s submissive need to please him, to obey. Anywhere else, Steve was scrappy and defiant, but in the bedroom, he was a needy little sub, listening to his dom with minimal push back.

With a devilish smile, Bucky asked, “Now… do you want to suck my cock, kitten?”

Steve looked away bashfully, picking at his fingernails. He was unable to meet his partner’s eyes. In response, Bucky rose to his feet and strode over to his submissive, unbuckling his pants as he did. Once they were inches apart, he dropped his jeans and underwear where they pooled at his ankles.

“Get the dildo and bring it over here.” There was a pause while Steve did as he was told. “I want you to ride this and suck my cock.”

A high-pitched, desperate sound came from Steve.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Having a cock in your mouth and ass at the same time?” The enthusiastic nodding he received was not hard to decipher as an answer. Without words, Bucky motioned for Steve _to get on with it already_ , and Steve was quick to listen.

Removing the toy from his ass, he slicked up the other and placed it on the ground in front of Bucky. He got to his knees, rubbing the head of the dildo on his puckering rim, and sank down. Slowly, inch by beautiful inch, his body swallowed the toy hungrily and audibly sighed when he was almost fully seated. The dildo was generous in length, and Steve wasn’t accustomed to it quite yet. Grinding his hips and allowing himself to get used to the stretch took a little longer than Steve (and Bucky) had hoped. He groaned, eyes squeezed shut as he concentrated and panted. Completely forgetting about the second part of his command, Steve began rocking back and forth, occasionally moving vertically.

Patience wearing thinner by the second, Bucky ran his fingers through the golden hair below him, then pulled so Steve was forced to look him in the eyes. “Baby, I’ll give you a good fuck, don’t worry. I’ll fill you up better than that dildo, but right now, your focus needs to be more on blowing me and less on riding that cock.”

Instantly, Steve’s mouth worked its way over Bucky’s dick. It surprised Bucky, causing him to moan and thrust his hips forward. As Steve deepthroated (well, that is, fit as much into his mouth as he could), he bottomed out on the toy and groaned at the sensation of being filled up.

Cursing, Bucky gripped harder on his partner’s hair. “Oh… yes, baby, suck my cock. That’s it… you’re so good for me.”

Steve loved praise, so he doubled his efforts. Swirling his tongue around the head, he curled his hand around the base and pumped up and down what he couldn’t get in his mouth, sometimes licking at Bucky’s balls. The two had sex so many times, he knew exactly how to make his partner fall apart.

Rocking his hips, he felt the dildo deep inside him, dragging over all the right areas. Steve thought he might be in heaven. He continued his ministrations until he was pulled away, a line of spit connected Bucky’s erection to his lips.

“You keep that up, babe, and I’ll be finishing before I can even get my cock in you.”

After he kicked off his pants and underwear, Bucky guided Steve to the bed, pushing so he landed on his back.

“Can you…?” Steve swallowed his words.

“You’re gonna have to speak up, kitten.”

“Can you… eat me out? Please?”

The grin on Bucky’s face was absolutely wicked. “Of course, babydoll. Hands and knees.” He tapped Steve’s outer thigh gently and sat back, waiting.

Once his friend was situated, Bucky dove right in, lapping at Steve’s loose hole and working his tongue in and out.

Wobbly arms collapsed as the rim job picked up intensity, and Steve was on the verge of coming embarrassingly quick. Bucky could tell, so he stopped and hushed the whine he received.

“You’re not getting off that easy.” He slapped Steve’s ass for good measure.

When Bucky reached for a condom in his bedside drawer, Steve stopped him. This puzzled Bucky.

“I-I want to feel you bareback, and I… want you to cum inside me.” The blush appeared on his cheeks again. Worrying his bottom lip, Steve apprehensively waited for a response. He expected a negative one, but he received the opposite.

“Shit….” Bucky’s eyes widened and his cock let out a drop of liquid. “The things you do to me, Rogers….”

“Is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes… Holy Christ,” said Bucky as he surged forward to capture their mouths in a heated, filthy kiss. Breaking it, Bucky took off his shirt and tossed it across the room.

He poured a generous amount of lube onto his member and spread it around, taking the excess to smear over Steve’s entrance. Teasing, he rubbed until Steve was begging so pretty, then he only put the head in and pulled out again.

“Daddy, please, just fuck me.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely….”

Slamming up to the hilt, Bucky let out a string of expletives while Steve nearly screamed from the feeling. It was so good. He was so fucking full. His knuckles were white from holding the sheets, and his hold only got tighter as Bucky started moving.

If he thought he was in heaven before, Steve certainly knew he was now. Nothing paralleled to the feeling of having a dick in his ass, being fucked in a rough manner.

After a while, Bucky flipped Steve so they were facing each other. Steve pulled Bucky down to kiss as Bucky lifted his leg over the shoulder, creating a better angle. And—oh, yes, that was fucking perfect. _Yes yes yes…. More more more…._

Right as Bucky hit home, the head of his cock drilling his partner’s prostate, Steve exhaled an ‘I love you.’ It was barely above a whisper, but still audible nonetheless.

As soon as the words left his mouth, he froze, so did Bucky.

“Wh-what did you just say?” asked Bucky, peering at his partner with an astonished look on his face.

The air was no longer heavy with lust; now it was filled with the weight of Steve’s unintentional confession.

“Nothing! I didn’t say anything.”

 Steve’s blood was cold—icy, freezing—he felt as though he was suffocating.

“You’re a goddamn liar and a bad one too, Steve.” Quickly, but gently, Bucky pulled out and sat back on his heels. “Did you—did you just say that you love me?”

Hastily, Steve inched up to the headboard and rested there, unsure of how to go about this situation. He fucked up majorly. There was no going back now. It wasn’t like he could lie; they both heard what he said.

“I—”

Before Steve could finish his sentence, Bucky stood abruptly and walked to the middle of the room, distancing himself. The action broke Steve’s heart, but he refused to let it show.

Bucky muttered under his breath, “What the fuck. What the fuck. What the _fuck?_ ” His hands flew to his hair, causing the strands to stick up as he pulled his fingers through. “What the _fuck,_ Steve?”

All the anxiety and fear occupying Steve turned into defensive anger, which bubbled up and exploded. “Yes, Bucky! I love you; it’s true. I fucking love you—I never stopped loving you—there, fucking there! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Silence took over. They stared at each other for a long time. Completely naked, both were so utterly vulnerable, especially Steve.

Bucky’s voice was small, tremulous. “Steve….”

“What?” Steve’s was taut by comparison, sharp.

“We… we broke up over a year ago….”

Steve heard how defeated his friend sounded and it killed him. An aching sprouted in his chest; the tips of his fingers itched with the desire to reach out, touch, but he knew he couldn’t, shouldn’t. It would have made things so much worse.

“I know.” Evidence of his defeat was clear in his tone, the way his figure crumpled. Drawing into himself, he fought back tears. This was the end, Steve knew. “I should go.”

Hurriedly, he got off the bed and grabbed his clothing from around the room, purposefully avoiding eye contact. In the back of his mind, Steve secretly hoped Bucky would stop him, beg him to stay—say anything really—rather than being met by this deafening silence. Reality was crashing down on him, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it much longer.

He never planned on telling Bucky; it was something he was determined to take to the grave, but the universe decided to fuck with him and destroy everything. Just his luck.

Throwing his toys into his backpack, Steve felt the first tears spill over and descend on his cheeks. He choked on his own breath as he practically sprinted toward the front door. His head spun and his stomach clenched painfully. Humiliation flooded his veins, and all he thought was _get out get out get out_.

With his ears ringing, he almost didn’t hear Bucky following close behind, and his heart jolted in hopes that Bucky would call after him. Steve saw him settled on the landing, in his boxers with a shocked and sorrowful expression (was Steve imagining things, or did Bucky’s face fall anew when he saw Steve crying?), as he shut the door and rushed to his car.

As soon as he was a few blocks away, he pulled over and finally let the tears free, sobbing with his forehead on the steering wheel.

He fucked up.

Their relationship was damaged, and Steve couldn’t do anything to fix it. Why did he have to open his big fucking mouth? They had a delicate balance, already having to tiptoe around each other, and he ruined it.

Bucky had moved on—Steve knew—but the way he reacted was perplexing.

_If he had moved on, why did he look so hurt?_

It didn’t make any sense, but it was too late now. Too late to mend something that was never meant to be fixed.

That was when Steve realized that ‘home’ wasn’t a physical location, rather ‘home’ was with Bucky; wherever he went, that’s where ‘home’ happened to be. A sinking feeling enveloped Steve. What was he supposed to do when home was a person and that person didn’t want him? Will home ever get to be something other than Bucky?

God, Steve hoped so, because he wouldn’t know what to do if he never found another thing to call home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated. Let me know what you think (please be kind). Also, let me know if you want me to write a chapter based on the aftermath (in Bucky's perspective).


End file.
